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Today’s revelation is about the Spirit of flattery. Sometimes it’s difficult to distinguish between flattery & genuine encouragement without spiritual discernment. Yet, our world is hungry for authentic people, kindness, compassion and someone who’s not afraid to speak the truth.
Proverbs 26:28
“A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin.”
Flattery in Hebrew means to deceive, seduce, entice, make simple in a sinister way. Flattery is a selfish ambition for self gain. Flattery is really an insult disguised 🥸 as a compliment but God sees the intent of the heart. Flattery is saying something nice in order to manipulate someone. Encouragement is saying something true in order to help someone else. Flattery is a form of hatred. Flattery is saying too many nice things to somebody in order to please them. “It’s an insult that is poorly disguised as a compliment, oftentimes rooted in the insecurities of the person delivering it.”
Lurking in the shadow of every good gift from God is a twisted perversion that seeks to imitate and destroy. These destructive copycats disguise themselves as good but are actually out to cause chaos and confusion. God creates healthy friendships as a gift, but sin turns them into something codependent or abusive. God blesses a person with a strong work ethic, but sin twists it so he becomes a work-a-holic. Patience can morph into passivity, a desire for kindness can lead to avoiding tough conversations, and a passion for unity can cause us to downplay truth. For every good gift of God, sin has an unhealthy perversion that leads to spoiled fruit. One good gift of God is receiving an encouraging word. Over and over in Scripture God reminds us of the power of our words.
Proverbs 25:11
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”
Proverbs 12:25
“Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad.”
Many of us grew up singing “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” but Scripture says otherwise. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”
However, like other good gifts from God, even the gift of encouragement has a sinister imitation, flattery. While at times looking very similar to encouragement, Scripture warns that flattery leads to selfish and destructive ends.
Three reasons why you should avoid flattery:
1. It’s rooted in wickedness
2. It’s an ancient trap 🪤 Satan uses to deceive
3. The spirit of manipulation operates heavy in it
I have often felt uneasy when receiving compliments even when I was young. Being raised in a Church atmosphere from the time I was born, I was taught to believe that “flattery is vain,” and sometimes it has been hard to distinguish between a genuine compliment, encouragement and flattery. Flattery can be defined as “The act of giving excessive compliments, generally for the purpose of ingratiating by intending to gain approval or favor.” The difference between flattery and a compliment is the benefactor. Flattery has a selfish motivation. The flatterer hopes to gain approval or advantage over the one being flattered. Compliments, however, are sincere acknowledgments of admiration spoken to praise someone else. A compliment is intended to benefit the recipient, whereas flattery benefits the flatterer.
The Bible has a lot to say about flattery. The book of Proverbs warns of the flattering lips of an adulteress.
Proverbs 6:24
”To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman.”
Proverbs 7:1-5
“My son, keep my words, and lay up my commandments with thee. Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye. Bind them upon thy fingers, write them upon the table of thine heart. Say into wisdom, Thou art my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman: That they may keep thee from the stranger which flattereth with her words.“
Proverbs 7:21
“With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.”
Flattery is often the first step to an adulterous affair. A wise person learns to recognize it and separate flattery from sincere compliments. Flattery is often coupled with lying, as a flatterer is not concerned with whether or not he or she is being truthful.
Psalm 5:9
“For there is no faithfulness in their mouth; their inward part is very wickedness; their throat is an open sepulcher; they flatter with their tongue.“
Unfortunately, flattery can also be used within Christian circles under the guise of encouragement. Since biblical times, some false teachers have used flattery to lead people astray and benefit themselves. In 1Thessalonians 2:4-6, “But as we were allowed of God to be put in trust with the gospel, even so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God, which trieth our hearts. For neither at any time used we flattering words, as ye know, nor a close of covetousness; God is witness: Nor of men sought we glory, neither of you, nor yet of others, when we might have been burdensome, as the apostles of Christ.“ Paul reminds the church that the apostles had never resorted to flattery in spreading the gospel: “You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed.” Scripture warns of false teachers who use flattery to introduce heresies intended to deceive followers of Christ and line their own pockets.
II Peter 2:3
”And through covetousness shall they with feigned words make merchandise of you: whose judgment now of a long time lingereth not, and their damnation slumbereth not.”
Daniel 11:32
”And such as do wickedly against the covenant shall he corrupt by flatteries: but the people that do know their God shall be strong, and do exploits.”
Some teachers use flattery as a means to increase personal followings. Leaders desiring to attract a crowd sometimes water down their message until the gospel is reduced to being less offensive as many cannot stomach the Truth. They pepper their talks with cheerful verses and illustrations designed to make their hearers feel better about themselves and about the teachers. There is much talk about discovering one’s potential and developing personal greatness. This is nothing more than flattery intended to create popularity for the speaker and his or her message. It sells books and media time, but it often bears little resemblance to the message Jesus proclaimed.
There’s a fine line between words that flatter and words that encourage. So fine, in fact, that the words used might be identical. “You are so beautiful” could qualify as rank fawning; it could also, given the right circumstances, tone of voice, and context of relationship, serve as a genuine statement of appreciation, gently spurring a weary or discouraged person back into the game. It’s important to know the difference, because we are prone to getting it wrong.
Some people avoid encouraging others verbally, in fear of sounding like they’re flatterers. Other people flatter, thinking they’re encouraging, then wonder why people around them are proud and self-centered when it comes time to return the favor. Those in need of encouragement resort to soliciting mere compliments, but it doesn’t seem to help their discouragement. And when sincere encouragement does come our way, many of us get embarrassed and quickly push it off as if it’s flattery, not letting it sink in, fearing it will make us proud.
Here are some ways to tell the difference next time a compliment is given:
1. Flattery is selfishly motivated; encouragement is humble: By definition, flattering comes with an ulterior motive. Flattery, according to the Cambridge Dictionary, is the act of praising someone, often in a way that is not sincere, because you want something. A person who uses flattery wants to make a purchase using counterfeit cash in the form of sweet talk.
Romans 16:18
”For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.“
Sometimes compliment-paying customers just want reciprocal admiration; other times the stakes are higher and they’re after money, sex, power, or any number of other self-serving commodities. But whatever the case, we learn to use the currency of flattery early on as little children. Flattery is the oldest trick in the book, an unabashed misuse of power.
Proverbs 29:5
“A man that flattereth his neighbour spreadeth a net for his feet.“
On the other hand, encouragement is motivated by humility. My own personal working definition for humility is “The earnest desire and intentional effort to make another person strong.” Real humility is so unselfconscious that it finds no reason to blush or hold back when saying something nice about another person to their face. Sometimes the reason we can’t speak encouragement to another person is that, deep down inside, we are jealous or fearful of puffing them up. But encouragement, which is humble, desires to build strength and is altogether the opposite of puffing up. Encouragement, rather than misusing power, gives it away for the sake of empowering someone else.
I Thessalonians 2:5-8
“For neither at any time used we flattering words, as ye know, nor a clone of covetousness; God is witness: Nor of men sought we glory, neither of you, nor yet of others, when we might have been burdensome, as the apostles of Christ. But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children: So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us.“
2. Flattery is insincere; encouragement is truthful: While little kids can be Jedi-masters at flattery, they can also be refreshingly incapable of it. Job’s young friend Elihu, after waiting and waiting for one of the older guys to come up with a good explanation for Job’s suffering, finally exploded with the encouragement Job needed: God’s in control and he’s right.
Job 37:23
“Touching the Almighty, we cannot find him out: he is excellent in power, and in judgement, and in plenty of justice: he will not afflict.”
3. Flattery builds pride; encouragement builds strength: Often flattery begins with the phrase “You are so…”. Granted, that doesn’t automatically define a statement as flattery, but when what follows is a thick syrup of meaningless praise, it’s a pretty good indicator. Since the flatterer is driven by self-serving motives, it makes sense they would appeal to selfishness in their attempts to get what they want. Pride is flattery’s middle name.
A proper biblical alternative to flattery is not to refrain from saying anything affirming. God’s people aren’t to be stingy about their admiration, respect, appreciation, and gratitude for one another. Instead, we are to be lavishly encouraging. And biblical encouragement doesn’t begin and end with mere doctrinal abstractions about the attributes of God.
In His Grip,
Pastor Wendy Schenkel
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